My Beloved
by AngelE777
Summary: RahXephon: A prequel to the series, scenes from Haruka and Itsuki's relationship when they were college students. The FINAL chapter is now up! Please read and review!
1. A Meeting

Hi, I've decided to write another RahXephon fanfiction, this one about Haruka and Itsuki's relationship while they were in college.  In episode 13, Haruka reads a file about Quon and remembers a time with Itsuki that took place in 2019 (they turn 21 in this year), so I've set the story in this year.

I chose the title for this piece based on the fact that Haruka and Itsuki have referred to the one each loves as "my beloved," Haruka on the back of the picture of her and Ayato dated 2011-8-10, and Itsuki when asked who the subject of his painting is.  Enjoy!

This piece will be switching point of view between Haruka and Itsuki.  Sentences in quotes are dialogue, those not are thoughts and observations. 

Disclaimer: RahXephon and its characters are the rightful property of their respective owners.  This piece is not for profitable purposes.

My Beloved 

__

Chapter 1: A Meeting 

APRIL 2019

I sit at the library desk, my new textbook before me, waiting to be read.  I can tell already that today will be one of the many days like this, where I find it hard to concentrate, my mind always returning to him.  Even though I know better, that doing so will likely make me cry, I take out the picture again.  The back of the picture faces me and, as I have done so many times before, I read it, 'With my beloved Ayato 2011-8-10.'  I turn it over and see the two of us, smiling at the camera.  Days like that were the happiest of my life, and, despite my mother's imploring, I cannot let go of the hope that, someday, Kamina-kun and I will be re-united.  Determined not to cry, I force myself to look at other things to distract my attention, a bookshelf, a computer and – Kamina-kun?  I stand up, surprising the person.  I look more closely at him, and realize that, although his face looks similar to Kamina-kun's, of course, it isn't him.

As I walk to a desk to look over some research, a woman stands up quickly near me.  Wondering why, I look at her, and am surprised by her beauty.  

Wanting to speak with her, I say, "May I help you?"

She looks down and blushes as she says, "No, it's my mistake.  You – look somewhat like a person I used to know."

I step towards her and smile as I bow slightly and say, "I'm Kisaragi Itsuki, it's a pleasure to meet you."

She looks up and smiles and bows as she says, "Hello, I'm Mishima Haruka, I'm sorry about what just happened."

I grin and decide to change the subject. 

"I guess we're both dedicated students, Mishima-san, already studying on the first day."

She laughs, "Yes, I guess so."

She points to her right and says, "There's an empty desk here if you'd like to sit down, Kisaragi-kun." 

"Thank you," I say as I walk over.

I watch as he sits down, and realize that the picture is still on the table, so I hurriedly place it in a binder, not wanting to be asked any questions about this painful topic. 

"Mishima-san, what year are you in?"

"I'm a fourth year student."

"Really?  It's the same with me."

"Are you originally from Nara, Kisaragi-kun?"

"No, I decided to come here for college.  And you?"

Trying my best to remain smiling I say, "I'm originally from Tokyo."

I notice he has a thoughtful expression on his face, but it disappears soon after and his smile returns.

"Mishima-san, I think it's about time for a coffee break, don't you?"

Surprised, I answer, "I just started though."

He grins and says, "All the better, you aren't in the middle of something."

I wait for her answer, glad that she seems better now.  When she told me she was from Tokyo, her voice was strained and her smile did not seem genuine.  She glances at her textbook, seemingly trying to decide what to do.  

She turns to me soon after and says, "All right, I think that's a good idea."

"Sure."

I stand up and wait as she collects her things.  

When she finishes, she says, "I'm ready."

I nod my head and we start walking.

I turn to her and say, "Mishima-san, there's a place in the student center that I usually go to. Would you like to go there, or did you have someplace else in mind?"

She thinks for a moment and answers, "That sounds fine to me, Kisaragi-kun."

We continue walking, and wanting to continue the conversation, I try to decide what to speak of next.

"Are you a coffee or tea drinker, or perhaps, both?"

She looks towards me and says, "Both, actually.  And you?"

"I prefer tea, but I also enjoy coffee."

"I see.  Do you come here often?"

As we enter the center, I say with a grin, "When I want to escape the library," which makes her laugh.

As we walk to the student center, I feel more relaxed than I was in the library.  I haven't met too many new people since I returned, and Kisaragi-kun seems like a nice person.  We walk up to the counter and order, both of us choosing tea.  

I start taking out my wallet when I hear him say, "I'd be happy to pay for this, Mishima-san."   

Surprised, I answer, "Oh, that's not necessary, Kisaragi-kun, but thank you," as I hand the cashier the money. 

He smiles in response and then pays for his own.  I choose a table for us near the window, so that we can look out and view the scenery and the people passing by. I lift up my cup as I admire the trees and take a sip.

"Is it to your liking, Mishima-san?"

I lower the cup and turn my head to him as I answer, "It's very good, Kisaragi-kun, I've never been here before, what a good suggestion."

I lean back in my seat, and am startled when my watch begins to beep.  I look at it and realize, I have to pick up Megumi!

I glance at the surprised Kisaragi-kun and say, "I'm sorry, I have to be going, I need to pick up my little sister."

"All right."

I stand up, and, as I turn to go, I look once more at him, and he says, with a grin, "I'll see you in the library then, Mishima-san?"

I smile and respond, "I'm sure we'll both be there."

I then start towards the exit and wave to him as I step out the door. 


	2. On Campus

Hi, here is the next chapter, enjoy.  I have an author's note at the end. 

Disclaimer: RahXephon and its characters are the property of their respective owners.  This piece is not for profitable purposes.

Chapter 2: On Campus 

I frequent the library more, always looking for her, and oftentimes finding her there, pouring over a text or typing on her computer.  She will come to greet me as well.  Whenever we find each other, we smile and say hello, and then sit silently together as we do our work.  These times with her are precious to me, and I find myself longing to be with her more.  This is so new for me, I have always felt alone, even when I was with Makoto and Helena.  With her, I experience the happiness that I had believed was out of my reach.  I peer over the sheet music that I am studying and watch her profile. Her elbow is placed on the armrest of the chair and she has placed her hand on her cheek as she looks through the window at the leaves and branches swaying in the breeze. A smile plays across her face, but is soon replaced with an expression of sorrow.  I have seen this before, making me wonder of what she is thinking, what can cause such conflicting emotions?  She turns her head towards me and smiles before returning to her work.  I glance at my watch and realize I need to go to class.

"Mishima-san?" I say quietly.

She turns her head towards me once more and answers, "Yes, Kisaragi-kun?" 

"I need to be going now.  Good luck with your studying."

She looks at her own watch and says, "I probably should be going, too."

"All right," I answer. 

We both collect our things and start to walk towards the door.

Kisaragi-kun and I exit the library.  I decided to go home, but will walk with him part of the way.  I glance again at him, and as is usual, I am impressed by his continuous calm demeanor.  I find myself vacillating between emotions, my memories preventing me from attaining such balance.  He notices me looking and smiles, and, embarrassed that I was noticed, I blush and turn away.  

"Mishima-san?"

I look at him again and say, "Yes, Kisaragi-kun?"

"I thought, since we're friends, that it might be nice to call each other by our given names."

I am startled by his comment, even Kamina-kun and I weren't on such a basis.  I look away, and wonder if I should, if it would be all right.  But, I also think that Kisaragi-kun has a point, why shouldn't friends use given names?

"All right, that's fine with me, Itsuki-kun." I answer with a smile. 

He looks surprised at first, did he think I might say no?  But, he smiles soon afterwards, so I stop worrying. 

We walk ahead, and I see where I will need to split off to go home.

When we approach, he says, "Have a nice day, Haruka."

"You, too, Itsuki-kun," I answer as I wave and walk away.

Not having seen her in the library, I walk across campus, and notice a bench underneath the shade of a tree, and I decide to sit down and have my lunch.  As I eat, I watch students walk by, talking and laughing.  I stop as I see one figure approaching. 

"Haruka."

She turns her head in the direction of my voice, sees me, and smiles.

She walks over to me and says, "Itsuki-kun, what a nice coincidence, seeing you here."

Although I am disappointed that she continues to use –kun when referring to me, I am confident that it will disappear with time.

"Would you care to sit down?"

"Yes, that would be nice, thank you."

She sits down and looks to me for a moment and smiles. 

"Haruka, I realized earlier today, though we've known each for a little while, we've never asked each other what we plan to do after college."

I think about what he just said, and realize he's correct. 

"You're right, Itsuki-kun."

He nods his head in agreement.

I smile and say, "What are you planning to do after graduation?"

"I plan to continue what I'm doing now, turn music into words."

Surprised, I say, "Turn music into words?"

"Yeah, all music carries a message even if it doesn't have lyrics.  And turning those messages into words is my research topic."

"A music translator?"

"That's a nice title!  A music translator, eh?  Haruka, what are you going to do after you graduate?"

What am I going to do?  I know what I want to do, to find a way to be with him again, but how is that possible?

"I – I don't know yet."

Realizing I probably sounded upset, I continue, trying to sound better, "But, I'm sure I'll decide soon!"

"I see.  I'm sure you'll excel at whatever you choose, Haruka."

I turn my face to him and smile as I say, "Thank you, Itsuki-kun."

I look at her, knowing that she was forcing herself to act and speak as if she was fine.  I wish I knew what was troubling her, and that I could be of help, I do not want her to ever experience such sadness. 

"How long have you been a music translator, Itsuki-kun?"

"Since my first year, I actually decided to come to this college because of the music research program here."

She nods her head and says, "How interesting.  My family lives here.  I thought the college seemed nice, and I also want to help take care of my sister, Megumi."

"That's kind of you."

She smiles genuinely, and continues, "Megumi is so cute, she can be defiant sometimes, but I think that's a good quality, too."

I laugh and say, "Megumi sounds like a great person."

She nods her head yes and says, "Definitely!"

We both laugh and I feel relief, glad that, at least in this moment, I was able to help her recover happiness. 

_Author's Note:_

The English used in this chapter from a scene in episode 13 was translated by HQA&ANBU.  Rightful credit goes to this group and its members.


	3. Megumi

Hello, here's another chapter, enjoy!

Disclaimer: RahXephon and its characters are the property of their respective owners.  This piece is not for profitable purposes.

_Chapter 3: Megumi_

"Onee-chan, let's play again."

"All right, Megumi," I answer as I pick up the game pieces.

The phone rings and I get up to answer it.

"Mishima residence."

"Haruka, it's Itsuki."

"Itsuki-kun, it's nice to hear from you."

"I decided to take today off from studying, and was curious what you're up to."

"Ah, how nice.  I'm taking care of Megumi today.  I don't think I'll get much work done, but that's all right."

Megumi walks over to me and tugs me on the shirt as she says, "Onee-chan?"

I smooth her hair and say, "I'll play soon, Megumi, I just have to take this phone call."

"All right," she says as she lets go and sits down again near the board.

"I'm sorry about that, Itsuki-kun."

"It's perfectly fine.  Haruka, I have an idea, I could help you watch Megumi, we could bring her to a playground."

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that, today is your day off."

"I think it would be nice, and I'd get to meet the little sister you speak of so often."

I laugh and say, "All right, but don't tell me I didn't warn you!"

I walk to the park where I will meet them.  I have not seen her for a few days and I found myself missing her.  I had sat by the phone, deciding whether I should call her and what I would say.  On a stroke of good luck, she was home, and I was able to think of a reason to spend time with her.  I smile, looking forward to seeing her again.  As I approach, I see the two of them standing in front of the swings, facing towards me.  Haruka notices me and waves, which I return.  

When I am before them, I say, "Hello."

Haruka smiles and says, "Hello, Itsuki-kun, thanks so much for helping."

"Of course, I'm happy too."

Megumi moves so that she is hiding behind Haruka.

"She's shy around strangers," Haruka says.

I bend down to about Megumi's height and smile slightly as I say, "Hello, I'm Itsuki, a friend of Haruka's."

She looks up at Haruka and then at me.  She moves so that she is beside Haruka and looks at me once more.

"I'm Megumi."

I hold out my hand and she slowly extends her own and we shake hands as I say, "It's very nice to meet you, Megumi."

She smiles but remains silent. 

She looks back at Haruka, who says, "Megumi-chan, you can go play now, Itsuki-kun and I will be sitting on the bench there."

Megumi nods and says, "Ok, Onee-chan," as she runs off to the slide. 

Haruka turns to me and smiles as she says, "Shall we sit down, Itsuki-kun?"

"Sure."

Itsuki-kun and I walk to the bench and sit down.  I watch Megumi and smile, happy that she is having so much fun.  

"I can tell you get along very well."

I nod my head and respond, "Yes, I've helped raise Megumi, so we've been close."

Remembering a question I had been meaning to ask, I say, "I'm guessing that, as a music translator, you must play a lot of instruments."

"I've learned some, yes, though my favorite remains the piano."

"How about you, Haruka?"

"I – I used to play the piano." 

I am unable to suppress my sadness as I remember the time I played for Kamina-kun in the classroom; I haven't been able to play again since we were separated.

He answers, quietly, "I see."

He then smiles slightly and continues, "I'd like to hear you play sometime, Haruka."

Surprised, I wave my hands in the air and say, "Oh, I haven't played in a while, I'm sure I'd be terrible, you'd be begging me to stop!"

He grins and says, "I highly doubt that."

I smile in response. 

Soon after, Megumi walks over and says, "Onee-chan, I'm hungry."

I pick her up and seat her between Itsuki and me.

"All right, we'll go home and I'll make something for you, ok?"

"Ok, thanks, Onee-chan."

I hug her and say, "You're welcome."

Not wanting to end my time together with Haruka already, I lean in towards Megumi and say, "I know I could go for some ice cream now, how about you, Megumi?"

Her eyes light up and she says, "Ice cream?"

She smiles and nods her head yes.  I look at Haruka, who has a surprised expression on her face. 

I say to Haruka, "We'll all go, it will be my treat."

Megumi shouts, "Yeah!"

She turns to Haruka and says, "Can we, Onee-chan, _please_?"

Haruka, at first, looks uncertain, but then says, "All right."

"Great!" Megumi shouts. 

We all then get up, and, with Megumi between us, the three of us walk to an ice cream stand nearby.  Haruka lifts up Megumi so that she can see what she has to choose from, and she selects an ice cream sandwich.  Haruka chooses a Popsicle, which I decide on an ice cream bar. 

As I take out my wallet, Haruka turns to me with a worried expression and says, "Itsuki-kun, you don't have to pay for Megumi's and mine, really."

I smile and say, "Please, I'm more than happy, too."

Still looking slightly unsure, she says, "Well, thank you very much," before smiling. 

We walk back to the bench, Megumi sitting between the two of us again, and eat our ice cream. 

As she finishes, Megumi turns to me and says, "Thank you!"

I smile and answer, "You're very welcome."

Megumi plays some more, but eventually becomes tired, so the three of us walk back to their home. 

Megumi walks in first, and, as she does, she turns around and looks to me and says, "Good bye!"

"Good bye, Megumi."

Haruka remains standing with me and says, "Thanks very much for today, Itsuki-kun.  It was nice, and I can tell Megumi enjoyed herself."

"I'm glad."

"I'd better be going inside, I'll see you on campus, then?"

I nod my head and say, "Of course, enjoy the rest of your day, Haruka."

Smiling, she answers, "Thank you, you, too, Itsuki-kun."

I watch as she enters and, as I walk back home, I realize that, as thankful as I am to have Haruka's friendship, I want to tell her my true feelings, and ask her what I have wanted to for so long. 


	4. Shopping

Hi, here's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: RahXephon and its characters are the property of their respective owners.  This piece is not for profitable purposes.

Chapter 4: Shopping 

As I search through the shelves of sheet music, I find myself thinking of her again.  I don't understand why, but I have been unable to speak with her about it.  I promise myself once more that I _will_ ask her when I see her again.  After I finish making my selections, I step to the counter and make my purchase.  I walk out the door, looking at one of the pieces, and, at the last moment, notice movement, and stop before running into someone.   

I bow and apologize without looking at the person, and am about to walk away when the person says,  "Itsuki-kun."

I look up in surprise, realizing the person is Haruka.

"Haruka, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was you. I apologize for almost running into you."

She smiles and answers, "It's all right, I should have been paying more attention, too."

"What brings you to the shopping district, Haruka?"

"I decided to buy an outfit for me, and one for Megumi."

"That sounds nice."

"How about you?"

I lift up the music I'm holding and say, "I came to buy new sheet music to study."

She nods her head yes and says, "I see."

"I notice you don't have any bags, did you just start?"

"Yep, I was on my way to that store there," she says, pointing.

"You're welcome to join me, but, of course, you probably have other things to do," she says.

"No, I'd be happy to accompany you."

I smile inwardly, realizing that this may be my chance.

"Ok, sounds good," she answers.

What a nice coincidence, meeting Itsuki-kun here.  It's kind of him to come with me, I always appreciate getting other people's input when buying outfits for myself and others.  I lead us to the store where I plan to buy my outfit.  I step inside excitedly, I enjoy choosing new outfits and it has been a while since I have done so.  He waits by the door while I wander around, searching through the shelves and racks.  I notice a lot of things that I like, but, one outfit in particular interests me, a light yellow short sleeved blouse, navy crop pants, and a yellow and navy patterned neckerchief.  As I stand admiring them, I notice someone approaching, and look and see that it is Itsuki-kun.  
He smiles and says, "I'm sure that would look very nice on you, Haruka."

"Thank you, Itsuki-kun."

I lift up the outfit to inspect it more, and decide to try it on. 

"I'm going to try this on, do you mind waiting?"

He shakes his head no and answers, "It's not a problem at all."

I walk to the dressing rooms, and, after I change, I look at myself in the mirror and smile.  I step out of the dressing room area and Itsuki-kun spots me and walks over.

He grins and says, "Just as I expected, it suits you perfectly."

"Thank you, Itsuki-kun.  I've decided I'm going to buy it."

He nods his head yes and responds, "A good decision."

I return to the dressing room and change back into my clothes.

I accompany her as she goes to the counter to buy the outfit.  It truly does look beautiful on her, and she seemed so happy when she was trying it on. After she finishes her purchase, she picks up the bag and we start to walk towards the exit.

"Itsuki-kun…"  she starts, but suddenly stops.

"Haruka?" 

"Katun no Sadame," she says quietly, sounding sad.

I try to figure out to what she's referring.  I remember that that was the name of a song, I listen, and realize that the song is being played on the speakers in the store.  Why does this song upset her?  To my surprise, she starts running out the door and into the street.

"Haruka!" I shout as I run out the door.  I find her soon after, sitting on a bench, her eyes welling up with tears. 

I sit beside her and say, "Haruka, please tell me what's the matter."

She looks at me, and then back at the bag in her lap.  

There is silence for a moment, and then she says, "He liked that song – and so did I."

He?  She takes out a picture and looks at it before handing it to me, and I stare in shock, Nii-san!

"His name was Kamina Ayato.  We lived in Tokyo and went to the same junior high school, and dated when we were both 14.  He was kind and calm, often serious, too, but, together, we would smile and laugh.  He was a wonderful artist.  When we first met, it was on a beach, he sketched me as I was standing on a rock that overlooked the ocean; I was wearing a yellow dress with a long orange bow.  I noticed him and he showed me the drawing.  We spoke, and discovered that my uncle and his father were investigating ruins there, and that we were both from Tokyo."

I struggle to remain composed, Haruka, the one I love, dated, and likely loved, my twin.  

I see the tears fall from my eyes onto the bag.

I wipe them away and force laughter as I say, "I should stop, I don't want to get my new outfit wet."

To my surprise, Itsuki-kun embraces me.

"Itsuki-kun?"

"Haruka, it tears me apart to see you so sad, I want nothing more than for you to be happy."

I do not move, too in shock.  Is it pity that is causing him to act this way, I am so confused.  He breaks apart from me and looks away.

"I'm sorry, it was inappropriate of me to do that."

He then turns his face to me once more and says, "But, what I said is true, Haruka."

"Itsuki-kun, I don't understand…"

"I'm very grateful to have shared a friendship with you, Haruka, but I haven't been honest with you, I am going to now.  Haruka, I want us to be more than friends because – I love you."

I freeze, in greater shock than even before, how can this be, Itsuki-kun – loves me?


	5. An Attempt to Move Time

Hello, here's the next chapter, enjoy.

Disclaimer: RahXephon and its characters are the property of their respective owners.  This piece is not for profitable purposes.

Chapter 5: An Attempt to Move Time 

Maybe I was wrong to thinks so, but I'd always believed that Kamina-kun was the only person who would say such a thing to me; to hear it now from Itsuki-kun is so – unexpected.  My first thought is to say no, but I am haunted by my mother's words, that I am searching for one who can never be found, and that my attachment to the past prevents me from seeking my future.  Itsuki-kun is kind and I enjoy spending time with him; isn't it possible that, someday, I could return his feelings?  Yes, I should look to my future, and, possibly, that future is with Itsuki-kun.

I turn to him and say, "I'd like to go out with you."

He embraces me again and says, "Thank you, Haruka."

When he moves back, I smile, but am unsure what to say, so I remain silent.  

Sounding excited, he takes hold of my hands and says, "There's an orchestral performance this weekend, would you please come with me?"

I suppress the feeling that I am standing on an unsteady precipice and answer, "Of course, I'd be happy too."

I stand in the theater lobby, repeatedly glancing at my watch, she is only a few minutes late, but I am worried about her just the same.  I see her step in through the doorway in a red evening gown with matching earrings, shoes, and wrap across her back and shoulders.  She sees me and smiles as she approaches.

"You look beautiful, Haruka," I say with a smile.

She smiles and replies, "Thank you, Itsuki-kun."

I do not show it, but I am surprised that, even now, she is using –kun.  I had hoped that this would change when we started dating, but, I still believe that it will disappear with time.  We accept programs from an individual handing them out, and she then follows me as I look for our seats.

"We're in this row, Haruka."

She nods her head, and, when I find our seats, sits beside me.  I am about to say something when I notice her opening and starting to look through the program.  Not wanting to disturb her, I decide not to speak, but to wait for her to finish.  When she is done reading, she looks up at me and smiles.

I lean towards her and say, "I've been looking forward to this evening, Haruka."

"I think it will be nice."

The lights dim and the two of us turn our attention to the performers as they begin. 

The lights brighten as the intermission begins. I stand up and follow him out into the aisle.  To my surprise, he holds out his hand.  Why am I startled, of course, it only makes sense that we would hold hands.  I smile, hoping he didn't notice my initial surprise, and take hold of his hand.  

We walk together to the lobby and, as we arrive, he turns to me and says, "Are you thirsty, Haruka?"

I nod my head yes and he answers, "What would you like to drink?"

"I'd appreciate some water."

"Sure, I'll be right back."

"Thank you very much."

"Of course."

I watch as he walks to the table, and find my mind wandering.  I cannot escape the feeling that this is not genuine, that I am going through pre-set motions, following a script.  This notion makes me uneasy, and I am glad when he returns.  He extends his arm with a smile, and I take the bottle from his hand.

"Thank you again, Itsuki-kun."

He smiles and says, "My pleasure, Haruka."

As I drink, we chat about school, the performance, and our plans, which reassures me and reduces my earlier uneasiness. 

When I held out my hand to her at the beginning of the intermission, it appeared that Haruka was uncomfortable, or that she found the situation awkward, surprising me.  However, my anxiety about this has subsided, since now, as we speak and she drinks her water, she seems more relaxed and as if she is enjoying herself.  By the time she finishes, it is time for us to return to our seats.  She disposes of the bottle and we hold hands again, this time, without hesitation, as I escort her back to our seats.  We sit down and watch the second part.  The performance ends and the two of us stand up once more and exit the theater.  As we step outside, I notice that the temperature has dropped substantially, she must be cold. 

"Haruka?"

She turns to me and says, "Yes, Itsuki-kun?"

I take off my suit coat and say, "Please wear this, I don't want you to be cold."

She smiles and says, "That's very kind of you."

I carefully place the jacket over her shoulders, and when I finish, I step beside her and take hold of her hand once more.  

We arrive at my home and I remove the coat.

I turn to him and say, "Thank you, Itsuki-kun."

He smiles and answers, "Of course," as he takes it from me. 

He drapes it over his arm and takes hold of my hands.

"I had a lovely evening, Haruka."

"I enjoyed it, too."

He seems to be leaning in slightly, which makes me nervous as I realize what he's planning.  A memory of Kamina-kun and I kissing flashes in my mind. Automatically, I find myself withdrawing from Itsuki-kun.  A look of surprise crosses his face, but then he moves away. 

I look away, embarrassed, and say, "I'm sorry, Itsuki-kun."

He places his hand on my face and I look at him again.  
"It's fine, Haruka."

He moves his hand from my face and says, "I'm going to head home now, I'll call you tomorrow, all right?"

I nod my head yes and smile as I say, "Sounds good."

He turns around and walks away, while I remain standing, consumed by conflicting emotions.  


	6. A Summer Apart

Hi, here's the second-to-last chapter.

Disclaimer: RahXephon and its characters are the property of their respective owners.  This piece is not for profitable purposes.

Chapter 6: A Summer Apart 

We sit together quietly at the café, each glancing over the campus paper.  Much of the time we spend together is like this, though, on weekends, we go out, to movies, concerts, and the like.  It was some time after our first date that I felt it would be all right to kiss her.  However, when I do, it seems she is almost forcing herself, which makes me anxious. The summer break is rapidly approaching, and I've been ordered back to the Bähbem estate.  I do not want us to be apart, but I know I cannot defy the order.  I have been putting off telling her, but resolve to tell her now.

"Haruka?"

She looks up at me from her paper and says, "Yes?"

"Although I'd rather stay here, I need to go home over the break."

She looks downward and appears upset.

"I – I see."

I place my hand over hers and say, "I'll give you the address and phone, and of course, we can always use e-mail and our cell phones."

She looks up at me and says, "Yes, that's true."

I grin and say, "I'll be back before you know it."  

She smiles in response.

I sit in the desk chair in my room with a textbook on the table.  Despite my efforts to concentrate, my mind wanders and fills with doubts. The feeling that our relationship is not genuine, but something contrived, that seeps out when we apart, has surfaced once again.  I cannot deny that, despite our time together, my feelings remain unchanged.  I believe he knows this; he has never said again that he loves me, I know that that is because is he is waiting for me.  When I am with him, I feel a contentment that I have not experienced since I was separated from Kamina-kun, but this emotion is not the love that Itsuki-kun hopes for.  Indeed, when we are apart, I am submerged in a whirlpool of uncertainty that I am only rescued from by his presence.  I am afraid, because I realize, that, possibly, what I experience with him may be only my own delusion, and the uneasiness, reality. 

I reluctantly open the door to the mansion, and am surprised when I enter into silence.  Is it possible that no one is home, that is unlikely.  I walk through the foyer and to my room and start unpacking.  When I finish, I walk downstairs, and see Makoto at the bottom of the steps.

"Itsuki."

"Hello, Makoto."

"Hello, Itsuki."

I look and see Helena.  I hadn't noticed her before, but I see now that she is standing away from the staircase, but still in view.

"Hello, Helena."

As I stand before them, Makoto looks at me with an odd expression and says, "My, you look almost – happy."

I am caught off guard, is it that apparent?  Not wanting to discuss it, I remain silent.

"I haven't seen you like this since – before you were 18."

I flinch, remembering my 18th birthday, when I had to, at last, accept that I had not been chosen by Ixtli.  I have found it difficult, I had hoped – and even, to some extent – believed, that I could fulfill the role of an Ollin.  

"What could possibly make Itsuki happy except – you found someone, didn't you?"

I say nothing and he continues, "That sounds like a confirmation, how amazing, even our scholar."

Annoyed, I answer, "Since you're going to annoy me about it until I tell you, yes, I am seeing someone, her name is Mishima Haruka."

I take out my wallet and show them a picture.  Makoto grins, but Helena looks surprised, which I had not expected.

"My, what a beauty, how _did_ you get her to fall for you?"

I stand frozen as the reality that I have repressed emerges, Haruka has never said that she loves me.  

I flip through an album I've made this summer of pictures of the two of us, doing so calms my earlier anxieties.  I smile as I look at the photographs, remembering the happy times that we have spent together. 

"Haruka?"

I look and see that my mother has entered my room.

"Okaa-san."

"What are you looking at?"

"A photo album of Itsuki-kun and me."

"Ah, let me see!"

"Ok."

She walks beside me, and I start from the beginning, explaining each photograph.

As I finish, she says, "I'm so happy for you, Haruka.  You've accepted what you can't change, and you've even found someone else to love."

To love?  But I don't…

"You don't still carry around that picture everywhere do you?"

My first thought to say is 'Of course I do,' but then I realize that that isn't what I should be saying if I were truly committed to Itsuki-kun.  Indeed, I still keep the picture with me wherever I go, and I reach for it or look at it whenever I'm alone and upset; I never look for a picture of Itsuki-kun.  

"Haruka, what's wrong, you look like you're going to cry."

Unable to hold them back, the tears flow from my eyes.

"It's terrible of me, so terrible, I thought, maybe, I could grow to love Itsuki-kun, that's why I agreed.  But, my feelings haven't changed, and I know they never will.  I will always love Kamina-kun."

My mother starts to cry as well, but places her hand gently on my back.

"It's important that you be honest with Itsuki-kun."

I nod my head yes as I wipe away my tears and resolutely answer, "You're right, I will."


	7. The Future

Hello, here's the final chapter.

Disclaimer: RahXephon and its characters are the property of their respective owners.  This piece is not for profitable purposes.

Chapter 7: The Future 

We planned to meet at the café where we have spent so much time.  I am usually the first to arrive, so I am surprised when I see her already there, sitting at our usual table and staring at the people walking by.

I walk towards her and say, "Haruka."

She looks to me, but something about her smile seems different than usual.  We hug, and she seems to hold tighter and longer than usual, also surprising me.

"It's nice to see you again, I've missed seeing you, Itsuki-kun."

"I've missed you so much, Haruka."

While I was home, I tried to speak to her daily, and I kept a framed picture in my room of her smiling as she sits on a stonewall on the campus.  Even so, it was not the same as actually being with her.  Times together like this are the most precious to me and bring me the greatest joy.  

"Shall we get drinks?"

She shakes her head yes, and we proceed to walk together to the counter and purchase our drinks before returning to the table. 

As we sit drinking tea, I decide that it's best to tell him when we are alone, and, in the meantime, I decide to enjoy this time together.  We talk about our classes and what we did over break, amongst other things.  

After we finish, I say, "Itsuki-kun, why don't we sit on the hill we do sometimes."

He shakes his head yes and says, "That's a nice idea."

We walk there together, and, when we arrive, he lies down on his back with his arms behind his head, while I sit with my knees drawn up and my hands on the ground.  We remain silent for a while, enjoying the sunlight and the slight breeze.  

Eventually, he turns his face to me and says, "Did I ever tell you, Haruka, that I paint?  Someday, I'd like to do a painting of you."

I flinch, I know that he didn't mean to, but I am reminded again of Kamina-kun. 

He looks anxious as he says, "Haruka, are you ill?  You look pale."

I look down and clench the grass and decide that now is the right time.

She looks back at me and says, "Itsuki-kun?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry, I – I haven't been honest, this whole time."

Afraid I know what she is talking about, I say nothing, foolishly acting as if my silence can change reality. 

"I've always enjoyed being with you Itsuki-kun, our time together has been very special to me."

I move so that I am sitting up beside her.  

She looks at me with a sad smile and continues, "But – even so…"

She lowers her head and begins to cry.  I embrace her, desperately trying to prevent her from slipping away from me.

"I know, I've known, Haruka that – you don't love me - now.  But, Haruka, I still think your feelings may change."  
I feel her shake her head no, but I continue, "But, even if you're convinced that you can see me as no more than a friend, please - please don't do this.  The pain I may experience knowing that, while we're together, our feelings aren't the same, is nothing compared to that if we can't stay the way we are."

She moves away and looks at me, her face streaked with tears. 

"I know that you believe that now, but, eventually, and, understandably, you'll come to resent the fact that I don't return your feelings – and it will be worse for both of us.  I don't want that, Itsuki-kun."

Even though I do not believe that that would happen, but, instead, that my feelings for her would remain unchanged, I accept that hers will as well, and that it would be wrong of me to make her stay with me for my own selfish wishes. 

To my surprise, he places his hands on my shoulders and smiles.

"I – I understand, Haruka, and I – accept your decision."

I smile through my tears, glad that he has understood, and say, "Thank you."

I step away slightly and embrace him one last time as I say, "Good bye, Itsuki-kun."

He returns the embrace and says, "Good bye, Haruka."

I start walking home, and, as I do, I remember Itsuki-kun's question regarding graduation, as well as the answer that I had wanted to give.    

A few weeks later, as I wander through the student center, I see a table set up for an organization called TERRA, which I learn is an anti-Mu research organization.  Interested and hopeful, I read through the literature and speak with the representative, and, seeing promise in this opportunity, I sign up.

At last, graduation arrives.  Itsuki-kun and I have not spoken nearly as much as we used to, but have drifted apart.  By chance, I see him before the ceremony, sitting on the hill at which we parted. 

"Itsuki-kun," I say as I approach him.

He looks up and smiles as he says, "Hello, Haruka."

I sit beside him and say, "It's nice to see you again."

He nods his head yes in agreement.

"I'm glad, Haruka, you seem happy and full of hope."

I turn my face to him and say, "Do you remember, Itsuki-kun, when you asked what I plan to do after graduation?"

"Yes."

"I've decided, I joined TERRA."

"TERRA?" he says, sounding surprised. 

TERRA?  I know that it is affiliated with the Bähbem foundation – and was organized against the Mu.  Indeed, Haruka has chosen Nii-san.  As painful as this reality is, I believe that there is still hope for us, and that, someday, I will be reunited with my beloved. 

I shake my head yes and look at him as I say, "I'm sure we'll both try our best to do what we want most."

"I believe that, too, Haruka."

I smile and vow to myself that, someday, I will be reunited with my beloved.  


End file.
